I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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