i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
