Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
