If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
