my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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