yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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