weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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