She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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