Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
