Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
