and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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