The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
