I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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