Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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