I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
