Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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