Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
