Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
