Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
