11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
