dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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