so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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