ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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