Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I cockslap morals
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
please come you make the beer taste better
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
