We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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