My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
