What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize