Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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