you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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