I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
