She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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