Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
