I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
