fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
