That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
