I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
