I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Slut skills are useful in every country.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
