Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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