you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
