I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
