come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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