How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
