Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
