How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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