How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
