he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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