i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
