he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
