this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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