yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
