Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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