Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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