Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
