Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
