Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
All the doctor said was why
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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