I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
