Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
