I'm so fucking centered right now
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
