if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
