It's Friday. Sex?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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