A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
