So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
