sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
