I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
