What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
