Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
