at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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