how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
he was CRYING into my vagina
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
