birth control should be required to get into college
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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