somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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