I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
